How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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