What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
