You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
