Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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