Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
