this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
