my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
