Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
