I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
