Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
