So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
