i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
