you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
