well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
