my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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