Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
