I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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