did you get engaged???
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
