i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
