first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your cock deserves a montage
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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