I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Randomize
