I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
