Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
