sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
