Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
