i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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