Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
