woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
