that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
