what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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