Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
