why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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