I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
