So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
