I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
