At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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