Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
