It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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