His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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