Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
