Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
