did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
