i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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