Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
