sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
