You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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