Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
