I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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