I am in a vortex of obligation.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
