Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
