I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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