im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
