We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
