Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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