I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
